Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
