i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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