I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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