I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
