God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
