i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
