I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
