i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
