He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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