Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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