My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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