I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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