I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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