i just wanna soil my oats bro
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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