I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
