dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
