It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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