maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
