it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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