Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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