everyone is single if you try hard enough
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
