mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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