Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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