i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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