I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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