you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
