If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
