They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
