she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
