remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
