She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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