i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
