I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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