i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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