I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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