i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
