They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone came in the potted fern
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
