goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
