This girl is more easily done than said...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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