just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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