Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drunk is not a location!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
