I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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