The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
