I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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