he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
