Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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