yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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