There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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