Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
