Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
