I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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