I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This baby is an asshole
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have fence marks all over my body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
