My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
