Cold hands, warm shart.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
