If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize