Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
