I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
