hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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