3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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