My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
