The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I want is dick and wine.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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