I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
