I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
