If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
