Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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