U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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