I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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