dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize