I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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