I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
