I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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